Racial Injustices
What’s taking place across our country is a culmination, has collective momentum and is painfully long overdue.It challenges me as a person of white privilege to listen carefully, acknowledge and root out my internalized racism and see my complicity in the unjust, inequitable systems I benefit from… There has been an unforgivable complacency with this violence. Now, the […]
Incubating
Like it or not, ready or not, we are all in the midst of an intense transformation – personally, societally, globally. The way we emerge from this is yet to be determined. How will we respond to this new reality? Will we choose to redirect, reprioritize, realign our lives differently? Will we be moved by […]
Love in Action
During this pandemic, I have definitely been guilty of looking at the barren photos of downtown Seattle or the deserted Pike Place market or the too quiet neighborhoods and seeing only the stark evidence of this crisis. I realize that I have been viewing the proverbial glass as much more than just half empty. Who […]
Importance of Routine
When living in difficult circumstances, create a healthy routine. This is the consistent recommendation, whether from Scott Kelly, the astronaut that lived at the International Space station for a year or my husband who spent the same amount of time wintering over in the inhospitable terrain of Antarctica. With this pandemic, the world has been […]
In the Face of Uncertainty
Uncertainty is extremely difficult for us human beings. We want to know what is going to happen. We want to know what to expect. We want to know when it will all be over. What it boils down to: we want the illusion of control. As much as we might, at times, feel in a […]
What is True Compassion?
Compassion is usually associated with making someone feel better, helping them to stop hurting, empathizing with their feelings in a gentle way. I would argue that this is not true compassion if it comes at the cost of the truth. In fact, people can use this familiar definition as a reason to withhold the truth. “I […]
Conflict is Inevitable: Will it Destroy or Transform?
Relationships inevitably experience conflict. Two people bring inherent differences which can make bridging the space between challenging. Conflict can become a deal breaker for relationships. But conflict, when addressed openly, directly, responsibly can create a new depth of understanding, a new emphathy for seeing the world through other eyes. It can be a catalyst for discovering a new layer of intimacy. In other words, […]
Following Through With Agreements
No matter how seemingly small or trivial, the lack of follow through is one of the more destructive dynamics in an on-ongoing relationship. Whether you agreed to pick up the kids at 4:00, walk the dog before work, pick up a cluttered area in the house, return a phone call or show up at a […]
What is a True Apology?
The willingness to genuinely apologize is a key ingredient in any relationship, for we are all fallible, all human, all a work in progress. To recognize the pain one has caused in another – even unintentionally – is at the heart of a thoughtful apology. But what does it mean to offer a full apology and why can this […]
The Importance of Agreements
This is the traditional time of year for the making of New Year’s resolutions – as well as the typical time of year for the breaking of them. Rather than discuss these personal agreements we make with ourselves that we often have a difficult time keeping, I want to address the importance of agreements made between two […]
The Call to Surrender
This article was published in the Winter 2016 issue of “The Forum” published by Northwest Alliance for Psychoanalytic Study. Hiroo Onoda refused to surrender. He was a WWII lieutenant in the Japanese army, stationed on a small island in the Philippines. When Japan surrendered, Onoda refused to capitulate. He doggedly held to his belief that […]
Holiday Obligation vs. Choice
A client made an apt alteration to Thoreau’s infamous quote this week by reflecting on how many people seem to “lead lives of quiet obligation”.Holidays with their traditions, “shoulds”, and “suppose tos” can be particularly laden with this form of ‘duty’. Give yourself permission to ask, “What do I really want to do?” “And who do I […]
Kitchen Wars
Marital warfare often manifests in the kitchen. Take the dishwasher for instance. Who fills it and how, who empties it and when…can all become the battleground fodder highlighting the larger unresolved relational issues. The refrain, “I always have to empty the dishwasher” can become code for a pervasive feeling that things are not “fair” in […]
Weeds of One’s Mind
The “weeds” of the mind require regular extraction. Distorted thoughts can have a way of seeding and re-seeding themselves not unlike the invasive quality of ivy or dandelions. This weed I refer to, by another name, can also be called projection or transference. Distorted thoughts, like weeds, are difficult to pull up by the roots […]
Are You a Road Rager?
Does your blood pressure increase when you drive in congested traffic? Has this feeling ever boiled over? Specifically, have you ever honked, gestured, sworn, tailgated……or worse? Ever felt badly afterwards that you “lost it” back there? Ask yourself, what is at the heart of this reaction on the road. Yes, perhaps they cut you off or pulled a […]
