Marital warfare often manifests in the kitchen. Take the dishwasher for instance. Who fills it and how, who empties it and when…can all become the battleground fodder highlighting the larger unresolved relational issues. The refrain, “I always have to empty the dishwasher” can become code for a pervasive feeling that things are not “fair” in the marriage. Or “You said you would start the dishes last night and that didn’t happen” may be pointing to a lack of overall trust in the other person. The conflicts related to control can take the form of whether to rinse the plates first or not, whether to place the silverware up or down and which way to stack the bowls. These examples can serve to expose the power struggles lurking in the relationship.
If these types of battles are happening in the kitchen, you can be certain they are happening elsewhere too. Dishwashers and other triggers are the seemingly minor conflicts points of the tip of the much larger proverbial iceberg. Here are the more day-to-day places where the battlelines are drawn and played out. Thus, these examples are not to be minimized or trivialized in terms of what they reveal about the general unresolved dynamics in the marriage. It can feel “safer” to fight these household wars in this way, but by not drawing out the more complex issues directly these issues become harder to recognize and resolve. With this in mind, everyday examples can become an opportunity to explore more deeply into the relationship, beyond who’s on cleanup.
